Finally, it hit a breaking point for me Monday. The Princess and I were snapping at each other, and I was totally stressed out from all the piles of junk (from the painting ordeal). I realized that chaos in my house leads to chaos in my head, and that leads to me taking out frustrations on those around me...those I love. So, I declared a "mental health emergency", rounded up friends to entertain The Princess for me while I work (and friends to help me work) and tackled all the books/papers/homeschool paraphernalia lying around.
I dropped The Princess at Emily's yesterday for a playdate, and as I drove home, I heard a song, "Free to be me". The lyrics really struck a chord with me. When it was over, I flipped to the next channel on my presets and it was on there, too, right in the middle. The words I heard when I changed the station were:
got a couple rips in my jeans.
Try to put the pieces together,
but perfection is my enemy.
On my own, I'm so clumsy,
but on Your shoulders I can see...
that I'm free to be me.
I needed to hear that. This perfectionism is driving me to be a person I can't stand. It's driving me to push too hard, to give up too soon (or not even start, if I think I can't do it) and I am not enjoying life at all. I honestly do not enjoy life right now. And I should be able to. I have rich blessings, a great family, a beautiful home. I think I'll play this song now and then, to remind met that we all have dents in our fenders and rips in our jeans. But that makes us who we are.
Here's the video if you want to watch: